The party is awoken in the middle of the night by a flustered Dean Ratchett. Something, or someone, is in the RyUdo biology laboratory. The gang takes off and cautiously approaches what sounds like whimpering coming from the room that holds the Owlbear (whom we have dubbed Archimedes—dissent on this topic can be taken elsewhere, since I am writing the adventure log and therefore I GET TO DECIDE-HAHAHAHA). Thoros sneaks down and hears voices, and we launch into an encounter with the intruders. Upon entering the room that should hold Archimedes, we find five adversaries—a giant, artificer Tiefling, an eladrin Druid who immediately turns into a giant monkey, a surprisingly tall dwarf, a half-elf sorcerer, and an elven ranger. Gregward whips out his ever-handy penis… I, er, mean sleep spell. We manage to knock them out fairly quickly (Dean Ratchett asked us not to kill them ::ROLLS EYES::, so Thoros stabbed most of the to sleep), although the monkey with its “business,” proves a worthy adversary. Once they are all incapacitated, Thoros checks their pockets only to find that each carries an ID card for Melphice University. DUN DUN DUN! Our rival university! I use my amazing perception skills to gather some information about our unwanted guests, as follows:
Daria Duskwalker, Female Elven Ranger
• Daria’s hands show strangely shaped tan lines, suggesting she recently has removed her rings. (Most likely hasn’t lost multiple rings at once, probably pawned or sold them.)
• Jumpy, twitchy, nervous. Blood shot eyes suggest she hasn’t gotten much sleep in a while.
• Tobacco ash on boots and cuffs, but no long term signs of smoking. Suggests she’s been around smokers. (Most likely at the gambling table.)
Get it, get it, she has a gambling problem.
Aric Ambershard, Male Dwarven Fighter
• Callused fingers—from placement and shape, this dude also play the lute. (Surprisingly!)
• Clothes are ragged with holes, so he doesn’t have much money, or a lady friend to stop him going out of the house looking like a mess. Does go out of his way to put lifts in his boots, and is a surprisingly tall dwarf.
• However, he does have what looks like a chain around his neck. The fineness of the links suggests this is not a serious protective amulet—possibly a religious symbol or love token.
• Clean shaven, which is unusual for a dwarf. Razor burn and nicks on his neck suggest he’s recently beardless and did it in a hurry.
Wyla Coldcocker, Female Half-Elven Sorcerer
• Squinty, like she’s still having trouble adjusting to light. Spends a lot of time indoors.
• Wears make-up to play up her Elven features and wears a dress that is more in the elven or Eladrin style, but has a patch of decidedly human-looking pimples on her forehead, badly covered with foundation. Ashamed of her human ancestry.
• Beautiful clothing and jewelry. Best of everything. Very wealthy.
Argyle Sox, Female Eladrin Druid
• No protective amulet and no armor. Reckless, careless.
• Immediately aggressive in a fight—by nature not usually aggressive, but this druid forgets her companions in the heat of the fight. Pushes herself too far. Suggests deep unhappiness, possible death wish.
• Although all the others’ boots are clean, almost new-looking, Argyle boots are covered in mud.
Pneumatic Soro, Male Tiefling Artificer
• Burns on hands, and white dust which looks to be white phosphorus on cuffs and sleeves. A chemically looking old burn on his elbow. Probably an artificer.
• His hammer is covered in spikes, which he’s added as an extra-deadly modification.
• Over his shoulder he carries a brace of dead dire rats to attract owlbears. This group is either very brave or very stupid.
We summon the Dean via send thoughts and he arrives with Flex Plexico, the ethics teacher and shape-shifter actor. I’m not super into him to be honest, although I feel some really confusing deep-down feelings when I see him shift into my spectacularly handsome visage. Those eyes! A lady could drown in those deep baby-blues! Well, hm, anyway. Thoros and Plexico have a bond over the ethics of stealing. Plexico seems to be in the wrong field, but whatever! No judgment! We are given masks that will allow us to look exactly like our Melphician counterparts. For some reason (RAISES EYES TO HEAVEN AND SHAKES FISTS), I end up being the FEMALE elven ranger, which makes me feel even more confused. Sometimes I get the feeling that I really have a beautiful woman inside me, controlling my actions and picking my skill sets… anyway, I look pretty amazing, I have to say. Starbuns poses as Wyla, whom she has a passing knowledge of, since they are both super rich and half-elven. Gregward gets the role of Aric Ambershard, a surprisingly tall dwarf, Thaea takes on the female druid, and Thoros is the Tiefling (because, um, horns). We all agree to take part in an acting class with Plexico the next day and go back to our rooms.
When we wake up, I contact my friend Felix who is a theater nerd at RyUdo. He lets us use the costume and make-up department to complete our costumes. Thaea and I a surprisingly encyclopedic knowledge of how to get (blood)stain out of clothing. We are impressed with each other; Gregward seems a little perturbed. Cut then to a montage of Plexico teaching us how to act. Shots included: Someone throwing a mug that says, “World’s Best Ethics Teacher” at Aric; Starbuns doing a wicked nasal accent and trying to do a pep talk at the same time; trust falls; Plexico shouting “Be the DWARF”; Aric saying something about a 36 inch long something, I’ve forgotten what it is…; lots of weird body suits and crying. Once we’re done, we decide to head over to Melphice, where we spend an ABSURDLY long time trying to figure out what we should do before grabbing a campus directory and finding our dorm rooms. Gregward/Aric is now about to throw a party… who know what will happen?
Can Eladrin and Dwarves have sexy sexy babies together? And if they do, can we kill them?