Ryud Awakenings

Worst. Ethics. Teacher. Ever.

The party is awoken in the middle of the night by a flustered Dean Ratchett. Something, or someone, is in the RyUdo biology laboratory. The gang takes off and cautiously approaches what sounds like whimpering coming from the room that holds the Owlbear (whom we have dubbed Archimedes—dissent on this topic can be taken elsewhere, since I am writing the adventure log and therefore I GET TO DECIDE-HAHAHAHA). Thoros sneaks down and hears voices, and we launch into an encounter with the intruders. Upon entering the room that should hold Archimedes, we find five adversaries—a giant, artificer Tiefling, an eladrin Druid who immediately turns into a giant monkey, a surprisingly tall dwarf, a half-elf sorcerer, and an elven ranger. Gregward whips out his ever-handy penis… I, er, mean sleep spell. We manage to knock them out fairly quickly (Dean Ratchett asked us not to kill them ::ROLLS EYES::, so Thoros stabbed most of the to sleep), although the monkey with its “business,” proves a worthy adversary. Once they are all incapacitated, Thoros checks their pockets only to find that each carries an ID card for Melphice University. DUN DUN DUN! Our rival university! I use my amazing perception skills to gather some information about our unwanted guests, as follows:

Daria Duskwalker, Female Elven Ranger

• Daria’s hands show strangely shaped tan lines, suggesting she recently has removed her rings. (Most likely hasn’t lost multiple rings at once, probably pawned or sold them.)
• Jumpy, twitchy, nervous. Blood shot eyes suggest she hasn’t gotten much sleep in a while.
• Tobacco ash on boots and cuffs, but no long term signs of smoking. Suggests she’s been around smokers. (Most likely at the gambling table.)
Get it, get it, she has a gambling problem.

Aric Ambershard, Male Dwarven Fighter

• Callused fingers—from placement and shape, this dude also play the lute. (Surprisingly!)
• Clothes are ragged with holes, so he doesn’t have much money, or a lady friend to stop him going out of the house looking like a mess. Does go out of his way to put lifts in his boots, and is a surprisingly tall dwarf.
• However, he does have what looks like a chain around his neck. The fineness of the links suggests this is not a serious protective amulet—possibly a religious symbol or love token.
• Clean shaven, which is unusual for a dwarf. Razor burn and nicks on his neck suggest he’s recently beardless and did it in a hurry.

Wyla Coldcocker, Female Half-Elven Sorcerer

• Squinty, like she’s still having trouble adjusting to light. Spends a lot of time indoors.
• Wears make-up to play up her Elven features and wears a dress that is more in the elven or Eladrin style, but has a patch of decidedly human-looking pimples on her forehead, badly covered with foundation. Ashamed of her human ancestry.
• Beautiful clothing and jewelry. Best of everything. Very wealthy.

Argyle Sox, Female Eladrin Druid

• No protective amulet and no armor. Reckless, careless.
• Immediately aggressive in a fight—by nature not usually aggressive, but this druid forgets her companions in the heat of the fight. Pushes herself too far. Suggests deep unhappiness, possible death wish.
• Although all the others’ boots are clean, almost new-looking, Argyle boots are covered in mud.

Pneumatic Soro, Male Tiefling Artificer

• Burns on hands, and white dust which looks to be white phosphorus on cuffs and sleeves. A chemically looking old burn on his elbow. Probably an artificer.
• His hammer is covered in spikes, which he’s added as an extra-deadly modification.
• Over his shoulder he carries a brace of dead dire rats to attract owlbears. This group is either very brave or very stupid.

We summon the Dean via send thoughts and he arrives with Flex Plexico, the ethics teacher and shape-shifter actor. I’m not super into him to be honest, although I feel some really confusing deep-down feelings when I see him shift into my spectacularly handsome visage. Those eyes! A lady could drown in those deep baby-blues! Well, hm, anyway. Thoros and Plexico have a bond over the ethics of stealing. Plexico seems to be in the wrong field, but whatever! No judgment! We are given masks that will allow us to look exactly like our Melphician counterparts. For some reason (RAISES EYES TO HEAVEN AND SHAKES FISTS), I end up being the FEMALE elven ranger, which makes me feel even more confused. Sometimes I get the feeling that I really have a beautiful woman inside me, controlling my actions and picking my skill sets… anyway, I look pretty amazing, I have to say. Starbuns poses as Wyla, whom she has a passing knowledge of, since they are both super rich and half-elven. Gregward gets the role of Aric Ambershard, a surprisingly tall dwarf, Thaea takes on the female druid, and Thoros is the Tiefling (because, um, horns). We all agree to take part in an acting class with Plexico the next day and go back to our rooms.

When we wake up, I contact my friend Felix who is a theater nerd at RyUdo. He lets us use the costume and make-up department to complete our costumes. Thaea and I a surprisingly encyclopedic knowledge of how to get (blood)stain out of clothing. We are impressed with each other; Gregward seems a little perturbed. Cut then to a montage of Plexico teaching us how to act. Shots included: Someone throwing a mug that says, “World’s Best Ethics Teacher” at Aric; Starbuns doing a wicked nasal accent and trying to do a pep talk at the same time; trust falls; Plexico shouting “Be the DWARF”; Aric saying something about a 36 inch long something, I’ve forgotten what it is…; lots of weird body suits and crying. Once we’re done, we decide to head over to Melphice, where we spend an ABSURDLY long time trying to figure out what we should do before grabbing a campus directory and finding our dorm rooms. Gregward/Aric is now about to throw a party… who know what will happen?

Can Eladrin and Dwarves have sexy sexy babies together? And if they do, can we kill them?



Session 2.5 -- That Time the Party Nearly Croaked

Human bard Zeromus Zamandar Jr. (though he prefers to be called “The Death Sound”), arcane prodigy Maya, an explosives expert, and Althaea’s brother Erevan joined the CC. In their first adventure, they were nearly swallowed whole by a troupe of Giant Frogs, but still managed to plug a leak in the Elemental Chaos and retrieve a staff of great primal power.

Session 2 -- Bowblades and Owlbears

After another helpful debrief with Dean Ratchet, the party found themselves dumped unceremoniously into an arcane jungle.



(Please forgive phonetic spellings that may not reflect the DM’s intention)

Dean Ratchett gathered Gregward, Haladin, Althaea, Rossi, and new corpsmate Thoros to brief them on a new mission. The deep jungle of Wundargore was regarded by the Dean to contain not only a collection of natural perils, but a potentially useful population of owlbears, a smaller but probably friendlier population of gnomes, and a ‘friend’ of Dean Ratchett’s to check in with.

The party teleported into the jungle, where their Books were customarily unhelpful. One scroll of Dowsing and some successful checks later, they came across the Dean’s friend, Shawshank, and his associate Z. Z., by stumbling into their owlbear trap. Shawshank proved to be a friendly and tolerant ally, Z. Z. proved to be an insufferable bore and an insufferable boor to boot, and the party proved to be the worst houseguests ever. Gregward — considered by many to be impolite, mildly autistic, and perhaps even a high-functioning sociopath — found himself shocked at the casual thefts and discussions of murder. One of the gnomes, Chomsky, was successfully framed for our thefts, if this how quickly we have fallen in our definition of ‘success’.

Erin, a gnome assistant, was goaded into rash action by the party’s arrival and Z. Z.‘s continued siege against her sanity. She fled one morning with Z. Z.’s family heirloom, The Bowblade, and her life was rightfully thought to be in peril. The party mounted a heroic rescue, fraught with danger and arcane lightning storms, but succeeded in both saving Erin from a beaky fate and learning of the owlbears’ potential use to Ryudo: their pellets, which are coughed up on a regular basis and especially when frightened, were found to contain powerful arcane raw materials.

An extraction and debriefing by the Dean followed, and the student adventurers laid their weary heads to rest. Thoros learned some valuable lessons in ROGUE 101, Thaea learned that Gregward isn’t always an insufferable ass, Starbuns (I’m sorry — her name is Rossi!) reflected on a job well done in the speedy treatment of hurt friends using her “healing herbs” and the power of song, Hal somehow managed to make it through the session without the cold-blooded murder of her hosts or their servants, and Gregward — after having worried for years about his future career — wonders for the first time if he should also begin considering his outright survival.

One L3 or below item of your choice (no magical artifacts.)
Magical Artifact: The BowBlade of Zamandar, enchanted by Dean Ratchet in thanks for discovering the the value of Owlbear pellets. (And by that, Zamandar would want me to add that it is enchanted so that non-members of the Zamandar family can gain access to its IMPRESSIVE ARCANE PROWESS. Not that he has any idea that you all have it.) Stats forthcoming.
One subdued Owlbear

Session 1 -- Dungeons and Dragons


The party began on campus at RyUdo. Gregward, as usual, was preparing his spells for the day. This got in the way of Althaea’s plans for a mixer in her room. Starbuns continued her usual experiments regarding dragon fever in her room. (The only cure was more cowbell.) Hal managed to convince Gregward to leave his room.

After cucumber sandwiches, the party (including Starbuns with All New Hairstyle) had a tense Q&A session with Dean Fortinbras Ratchet, who gave the party either too much information or not nearly enough, depending on your point of view.

A crystalline entity administered a psychological test to the party, whose unity level was between 0-3%. The party was then sent to the Coppernight Hold, where a group of kobolds (though fewer than advertised) were serving as the World’s Deadliest Librarians.

Surprisingly, the fence proved Gregward’s deadliest foe, while Starbuns’ Starfall made the Kobolds re-think their career choices. Hal made a dragon feel fat, while Althaea made a dragon feel sheepish. The Kobolds (and their little dragon, too) were evicted, and the Dwarven proprietor agreed to lend some books in exchange for resurrection.

The Kobold-busters received the following loot:
For the Party: 200 of Residuum. (Residuum is the magical power source used to cast rituals, create items, and do alchemy. You can also sell it for gold, if you so choose.)
Gregward: A scroll of a L1 ritual of your choice.
Rossi: A three-time use recipe for Alchemist’s Spark (essentially a lightning bomb.)
Hal: Two cognizance crystals, which permit Hal to recover power points as a minor action.
Althaea: Two talent shards — which grant Althaea the ability to become +2 better at any skill she wants for a short period of time.


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